MUSINGS OF A (RECOVERING) PERFECTIONIST

Starting today I am trying a little experiment of journaling on my computer. Not sure if it will work but here goes. This is not my normal font or size, but I have to learn to cut to the chase and let the silly non-essentials that hinder me go by the way side. Just added bold font to the date. That helped a little and now the computer says I need to revise that last sentence. Maybe I will and maybe I won’t. I think the “I” is implied, but this speaks to another hindrance – indecisiveness. Why don’t I just make a decision and stick with it? Because I want it to be perfect and that leads to the bondage of perfectionism. This fuels procrastination which brings me full circle to indecision ad infinitum. Another sentence is now begging for revision. By the way, I have transformed the double space after the end of sentences to the more modern one space. However, as I look at this document I am not satisfied with how the one space looks. It seems very crowded and begs for a return to “Times New Roman” font. I changed the font to see if it was any better and it wasn’t much so you will be glad to know I’ve reverted back to the original look which saves significant time by not having to change the font every time I compose.

Now I am confronted with how to store this document. Should I save it as a Word Document and just keep adding to the page or should I make a folder and make each journal entry new. Looking to Cheri’ for advice has helped my indecisiveness immensely. She favors a new page for each entry. Now I think I will go back and give a title to each day’s journal along with the bold date. It feels like I am making progress which brings up another issue. Can I be making progress even when I don’t feel like I am? Of course, but it sure helps to think that you are rather than having to take it by faith. Since without faith it is impossible to please God then definitely more progress will be made by faith than by feelings and it will please the Lord which is ultimately the cry of my heart!

My lovely wife says these are the ramblings of a perfectionist and though I agree with her I’d like to think this is catharsis for my deliverance. So, rather than just liking to think like this I have made a decision (how significant is that). I am going to think like that and even more specific, I am thinking like that! (This reasoning comes from people saying I’d like to thank so and so for such and such. Why don’t they just thank them rather than saying I’d like to thank them?) However, my judgment brings self-condemnation. Rather than saying I’d like to do such and such I just need to get it on “the list” and start doing it. My bucket list needs to have a “start a bucket list” entry and another which says “do your bucket list entries.” Now it needs to move from “needs to have” to “has.” Wow! Am I ever beginning to make progress, er, I mean, I am making progress!

Bucket List

*Start a bucket list.

*Do my bucket list.

*Don’t sweat the small stuff – let the non-essentials go.

*Make decisions – NOW.

*Do it now – imperfectly. Just do it (Thanks Nike).

*Do it afraid. (Thanks Joyce Meyers).

*Do it by faith. (Thanks God).

*Do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Thanks Jesus).

*Do what the Holy Spirit tells me to do. (Thanks Holy Spirit).

*Save this composition to Word Documents – Journal 6-23-12 – Musings Of A (Recovering) Perfectionist and find a way to put it into a “Journal” folder.